A Mother's Burden
by historylover
Summary: Tag to "Abandon All Hope." Obviously, spoilers if you haven't seen it. And I cried while writing it. But, I cried watching this episode too.


A/N: So, I couldn't sleep right now. And this has been on my mind since "Abandon All Hope" aired. I apologize if you've read this before from somewhere else. Not my intention to steal or anything. (By the way, "Abandon All Hope" was the first Supernatural episode that made me cry. Not just move me but actually made me cry.

Disclaimer: Don't own anything.

**A Mother's Burden**

Ellen watched Dean and Sam exit the hardware store. She waited a couple more minutes, just to make sure they didn't change their minds and come back in. She had seen the shock and horror in Sam's eyes when she announced she wasn't leaving Jo's side, but she also saw the grief and acceptance in Dean's eyes. Even though she wasn't sure this plan to take out the Hellhounds would work or if shooting Lucifer would work, she believed that Dean, like most great leaders, would figure out how to work around it. The kid impressed her from the moment she first laid eyes on him. He had no idea how much of a leader he was then and how great of a leader he was now.

As she walked away from Jo's side and went to the door, so many thoughts raced through Ellen's mind. It was a lie that when faced with the moment of death your life flashes before your eyes. At least, it wasn't for Ellen. It was moments she was reliving, both happy and sad.

Like the first time she met Bill. Her father was a hunter, and Bill came over to their house to discuss an upcoming hunt with her father. Ellen didn't care much for Bill when he first met him. She found him cocky and arrogant. But, she couldn't deny that he was handsome, smart, and funny. And he was a big teddy bear once you got past the cocky, arrogant façade. Soon, she found herself falling for him.

She also remembered John Winchester arriving at the Roadhouse with news that Bill had been killed. He took responsibility for the death. All these years later, Ellen still missed Bill. And she knew she was doing the right thing by helping Sam and Dean. Bill would be right here, fighting with them.

Dying with his family.

She looked over at Jo, lying on the floor, half conscious, with an ACE bandage barely holding her intestines in her. There weren't words to describe how proud of Jo she was.

She remembered the first time she laid eyes on her daughter. It was 18 hours of the worst pain and the hardest work of her life up to that time. But all of that pain and exhaustion was forgotten when Ellen was able to hold her screaming, angry, squawling daughter in her arms.

It was then Ellen realized what the meaning to her life was. Her family. She realized that being a mother wasn't what a lot of other women needed to have to fulfill them. For Ellen, a family was the only thing that completed her. Sure, there was the Roadhouse, but that was just a way to make a living and a way to continue to hold on to her hunting past. Some of the best people she ever knew came through her bar. Including those two boys who just left.

Ellen started taking the chain off the door. She thought back to those dark days after Bill had died. Jo was still so young. Every night, Jo would paddle into Ellen's bedroom and crawl into bed with her. Because Jo didn't want Ellen to be lonely. So, the little girl would fall asleep while Ellen told her "I will always love you, baby. It's OK. It's OK. You're my good girl."

Jo was the only person left that really mattered to her. Ellen figured that she would probably die by something supernatural, but she did not want her daughter to suffer the same fate that Bill did and that she would probably come to. She knew that she could have escaped with the boys, but she'd be damned if she left her baby alone to face her death.

After all, Jo was all she had left.

Ellen figured that she was expendable in all of this. She had never really been a hunter. Oh, she had been around, picked up on things, passed things onto hunters. But, she had never really been a hunter. Not like her father had been. Not like Bill had been…

Not like her daughter.

But, she was supposed to be expendable. Not Jo. Jo was supposed to be important. Jo had never really experienced life. She was so young. But, Ellen knew that if there was anything she could do, it was to comfort her daughter. Let her know that she was doing the right thing.

So many faces danced in front of her. Most were hunters who had passed away. Some, like Ash, simply had special gifts and abilities. She mentally said goodbye to all of them as she tossed the chain aside and broke the salt line to let in those hell bastards.

She turned on the propane and sat down next to Jo. She pulled her daughter close to her, knowing beyond belief that her whole life had been headed to this moment. The last act she would ever do was to let her baby know that everything was all right.

There was so much she wanted to say to Jo. She wanted to convey her undying pride of her daughter. The little girl who would toddle in to sleep her mother after her father died had grown up to be a very strong, independent woman. Even though Ellen absolutely didn't want Jo to be a hunter, she was still immensely proud of her. After all, she was the only one who went back for Dean when the Hellhounds knocked him down. Ellen herself could only see the fear and the horror in Sam's eyes, fear and horror that soon matched her own when those invisible bastards started ripping her baby apart.

OK, so blowing those bastards back to Hell would be the last thing she would do. At least one that would give her some comfort.

Jo leaned closer to Ellen. Ellen could feel Jo fading fast. "I will always love you, baby," she whispered to her dying daughter.

"I know," Jo murmured under the Hellhounds growling and knocking against the door. However, the only thing Ellen could hear was her daughter's voice.

Ellen glanced around. She could see the ugly mugs of the Hellhounds as they thrust their heads between the weakening door and the wall.

As the Hellhounds continued to crash into the door, Ellen felt Jo's body grow limper. She looked over and watched as Jo…

Died.

Ellen felt the tears that had been threatening to spill over all day finally spill out of her eyes. She couldn't take this pain. No mother should have to hold her dead child in her arms.

"It's OK," Ellen choked out, hoping that Jo could still feel her love, wherever she was. "It's OK."

It felt like an eternity, holding Jo's body in her arms. Ellen was dimly aware of the Hellhounds bursting into the hardware store, encircling them.

"That's my good girl," Ellen whispered, hugging her daughter tighter. She knew that even though her own life would be ending in just a few moments, she would spend all of eternity remembering what her dead daughter looked like.

She realized that she had been incredibly blessed as a woman. She held her daughter when Jo first came into this world, and she was holding her daughter when Jo left this world.

Ellen felt the hot, foul breath on her cheek and looked up to see a female Hellhound standing next to her, snarling, growling, and drooling, flanked by more Hellhounds than Ellen could count.

Ellen glared at the female Hellhound. This bitch took her daughter from her. Even if this plan wouldn't give Sam and Dean time to get to Lucifer, Ellen was proud to execute this great idea Jo had. If only to let the Hellhounds partly know the same pain she was feeling.

"You can go straight back to Hell, you ugly bitch," Ellen shouted before pressing the trigger to the bomb.

End

A/N: I am writing something else. It'll probably be a multichapter. However I'm not entirely happy with it. And my life has been a little complicated (work, church, Christmas season.)

I hope you liked this one. The very first time I've ever tried to write Ellen. Well, other than having her as a minor character. But, I cried during this scene, and Supernatural has never made me cry before. In fact, I cried while writing this one, although I don't think it's so good. But, I hope you liked this one.


End file.
